为什么不社恐的人，也会在社交中感到心累？如何在独处中恢复心理能量#心河摆渡

为什么不社恐的人，也会在社交中感到心累？如何在独处中恢复心理能量#心河摆渡

I don’t know if everyone feels the same way. Social interaction is getting more and more tiring. More and more we like to be alone. Whether it’s a work party or a party with friends. It takes a while to recover after the end. Don’t like to be disturbed When the mobile phone rings, the first reaction is often to press mute and send a WeChat to the other party after a while. When we say something is busy Actually, we just want to be alone Although not shy, social fear out of group But if there’s a chance to be alone I will never join in the fun. hello everyone Welcome back to Xinghe Baidu Today, let’s talk about why socializing makes us more and more tired. And how to restore mental energy when alone Let’s start with an internal analysis, 1921. Psychologist Carl Jung proposed two personality traits, introversion and extroversion. under normal circumstances People are simply understood as introverted and extroverted Introverted people are few, withdrawn, and out of group. And extroverts are good, sociable and popular. But this part is not very accurate In fact The essential difference between the two personalities lies in the direction of psychological energy. The alien’s psychological energy points to the outside world They’re easily bored Need to focus on the outside world of people and things to gain energy The psychological energy of the introverted person points to the inside They are too sensitive to external stimuli Socializing is a very energy-consuming thing for them. So often by focusing on the heart to get energy More than one-third of the world’s people are introverted. They don’t hate crowds. Not good at communication On the contrary, many people can dominate in social It just takes some time to be alone afterwards to regain energy. For example, Luo Yonghao is an introvert who is mistaken for an extrovert. He said he would feel sick when he attended a meal with more than five people. Every time I go home, I have to read a book for a day to get over it. You see, for a large percentage of people Social interaction itself will cause the heart tired So obviously can go out to play They were alone at home. It’s obviously the atmosphere at the party. They want to bow to play mobile phone This is the difference between them and Ming Ming Bah This is the first reason why socializing makes people tired. Let’s not talk about character. Is there no problem with socializing itself? According to the social exchange theory of American sociologist Homans Sociality is essentially an exchange of relationships. Everyone is eager to get as much as possible for themselves in social Such as feelings, material, information, rights, services Of course, everyone has to pay a considerable price for these rewards. For example, if you want your boss to give you a raise, the reward is money. Then you have to work harder Talk to your boss about your ideas. Sometimes you may have to be caring and attentive. It’s like a game. Everyone has a little plan in mind. You’ll wonder how much your boss will give you a raise. The boss will also think about how much value you can bring to the company. The process itself is exhausting. And not just socially. There are three things you try to do before and after socializing. Son, one Amplify your own exchangeable value. 2. reduce the opportunity cost of paying 3. as far as possible to improve the input-output ratio Each requires us to weigh the pros and cons, make choices and decisions We ‘ve talked before It’s very brain-draining Almost all social interactions can be measured by social exchange theory. Chasing a girl, joining a liquor bureau Helping a friend is all an exchange It’s just that the exchange of feelings is more abstract, more obscure, more opaque. For friends and relatives We all value feelings more So downplay the essence of exchange But in reality, there is not so much heart-to-heart social interaction, right In order to get more benefits in the social People don’t usually show their true selves. But wearing a mask to their advantage Which brings us to the third reason emotional labor, a concept developed by the sociologist Hochschild The original intention is to manage your emotions at work. To achieve the job objectives of the position For example, some service personnel, even if they are made difficult by customers. Even with a bunch of dirty words in my heart But still to maintain a professional smile and service enthusiasm In fact Emotional labor is more than just work. As long as it involves a relatively weak party in interpersonal communication You have to pay a certain amount of emotional labor. So, even if you’re an extroverted type In some social situations also have to suppress real emotions You socialize with wigs He asked for exotic You have to smile and nod frequently If he makes you drink, you have to get yourself drunk. Is really a person in the Jianghu, involuntarily If you divide emotions into two dimensions One is real, called emotional feelings The other one is expressed called emotional expression. The greater the difference between these two emotions The more emotional labor you put in The more tired naturally. We can think about it There are really too few social scenes where you can show your true self. Most of the time we need to wear a mask So it’s not just annoying socializing that’s dragging us down. And there’s emotional labor that’s more annoying than socializing itself If you look at it this way Solitude is indeed an easier choice But just as we have to pay for social exchange. We also have to pay a price for the ease of being alone. Humans are very social animals. Anthropologist Robin Dunbar of the University of Oxford in the UK has proposed a law of 150. In other words, the size of the primate brain is positively correlated with the size of the community that can be formed. The human brain can allow a person to establish a stable number of social, about 150 people This is also known as the Dunbar number One explanation is that socializing is a mental exercise You have to deal with a lot of information to socialize with other people. Remember their status, social relationships, personality preferences To measure how to get along How to give in order to gain an advantage in social exchange in turn Due to the plasticity of the brain, lack Social interaction may also cause some damage to the brain 2019 German scientists discovered by magnetic resonance imaging Nine polar explorers end 14 months at Antarctic research station Hippocampal dentate memories formed by brain remnants and cardiac memories were reduced by an average of 7%. their ability in spatial processing and selective attention These two mental tests It also shows a lower level. Another study scientists looking at retired chimpanzees from the lab found Those chimpanzees who were quarantined as children Less tolerance for encroachment on the personal sphere It is also less likely to comb the hair of other members. This is an important way to build trust and enhance communication in the chimpanzee community. That is to say Chimpanzees who were left alone were less socially motivated The social scale is also smaller. Since being alone can cause social problems In addition to the efficient recovery of mental energy when we are alone. Also appropriate mental exercise Eliminate the negative effects of solitude on the brain That’s what we’re going to talk about next. How to carry out two directions of intentional solitude 1. efficient recovery training energy is actually very simple is to completely relax yourself in the most comfortable way Eat open if you like. If you like to play games, you can play hard. How to cool how to come Here are two ways People who 1. watch movies and feel tired in social interaction. Often there is also internal blood loss during social interaction. That is, information from the outside world interferes with and threatens consciousness. This is called a mental injury. Watching movies can help us get away from stress and organize our attention. And it takes very little mental energy 2. Meditation Effective Rest This book mentions More than 70 doctors after practicing mindfulness 25% improvement in symptoms of emotional fatigue due to burnout Moreover, it can not only restore mental energy efficiently It also has a positive effect on the structure of the brain. 2014 Some scholars have reviewed and analyzed 21 neuroimaging studies. Brain morphology of 300 meditation practitioners It was found that eight brain regions of the meditators changed. Including the frontal cortex responsible for the original area of consciousness, the sensory cortex responsible for body consciousness, the hippocampus responsible for memory, the anterior cingulate and the middle cingulate responsible for emotion regulation, etc. Sit down at a fixed time every day. Find someone you can focus on. Like your breath, your body feeling or a thought, a sound Then regulate breathing Focus on the object of your choice. If your mind wanders for an hour, a thought pops out of your mind. Slowly bring your attention back. It may be difficult at first. We can try for five minutes After the habit, extend it to 10 to 15 minutes. Due to the low time requirement So when you feel socially exhausted we can find a relatively quiet space Stay for a while This short meditation of a few minutes Almost equivalent to a few hours of reading time Pro-test is very efficient 2. use solitude to exercise brain power There are also two ways 1. turns solitude into high-quality social intercourse. Normal face-to-face socializing is immediate and two-way. There is also a social is asynchronous, one-way That is reading. Reading is actually communicating with the author across time and space. We are like a listener. Although I haven’t seen Camus We can also appreciate the philosophical meaning he gave to life. Although I have never seen Lu Xun We can also hear him talk about the cannibalism society at the time. After reading a book, it is equivalent to being alone with these cattle for a long time. They bring us deep thinking and advanced cognition Can accumulate rich knowledge reserves for our social In addition If you can write down your reading notes and feelings after reading It is also a dialogue with these authors. This high-quality social mode can be compared to a group of people exchanging pleasantries at a party. Too much bragging on the wine table Ineffective socializing is really just a waste of time, for a lot of people Low-quality socializing is far less than high-quality solitude 2. use flow to boost creativity, you must have experienced this feeling. All your attention is focused on something. Shielded from surrounding interference Forget the passage of time This feeling of total devotion and forgetting things is the heart. It is characterized by the ability to stimulate high creativity Very low energy consumption It also brings a strong sense of pleasure. It’s hard to get into flow with students But it’s a lot easier when you’re alone. And because introverts pay more attention to the inner world So it’s also easier to get into the flow than the extroverted type. Psychologist Mihari in the flow book Each time with composition, rock climbing and other nautical chess play as an example of the best experience Because these activities conduct flow very well. If you want to do it when you are alone You can start with these two types of activities. One is competitive, that is, playing chess and games. The other is to create classes. It’s composing, painting, writing. Find one that suits you. It is better to have a goal. Can learn new skills Projects that can provide feedback and make control possible When alone, explore inward while looking for happiness in the inner world. You can also appreciate the effect of flow on creativity. Many of my friends may be the same as me. Don’t want to socialize, not because of shyness, social fear, not good at communication But a lot of social really make people tired There is no substantive role And being alone is not a way for us to avoid socializing. It’s about our inner choices. These methods not only allow us to efficiently restore mental energy Also can exercise the brain properly Increase confidence and control when socializing All right. That’s all for today’s video. Thank you for insisting on seeing here. I hope everyone can order three times. If these still do not help you Remember to leave me a message I’ll think of something There has been a confusion We work to make money Making money for consumption But most people earn more than they spend. In the end, less and less money More and more liabilities And it’s getting poorer. Work, consumption, poverty is like a dead cycle. A new word is popular in the previous paragraph. The new poor is a glossy surface High education, high income, of course, high consumption Working years are getting longer The deposit on the card has not increased at all. Even in debt Demolition of the east wall to make up for the west wall The said small partner can be barrage, one The concept of the new poor. from an influential sociologist Zygmunt Bowman in his book on work, consumerism and the new poor Not only through social status, production relations to delineate the criteria for the new poor He also explained the relationship between work, consumption and poverty. Today, let’s talk about this sociology work of Douban 08:02 Let’s first take the timeline back to the early days of industrial society after the emergence of the steam engine. At that time industrial production dominated require a lot of labor But people in agricultural societies have always been in the form of family workshops. Zhang San Strikes Iron Li Si Zhi Bu Although the stall is small, it is also a career. Every income from your labor is visible. So there’s a sense of worth and accomplishment Now we have to pull people from home to a big factory like a circular prison. What job? When to do it How much money you take depends on others. No one wants to put this aside, right To solve this problem The work ethic appeared. Work ethics is essentially a commandment That is, work is justice. Not working is not only immoral Still a sin Of course, this work must be recognized Is that under the constraints of a series of rules of the factory owner. labor-for-pay work The upper classes want this way Teach the laborer to be a working machine that only obeys and does not think. What human rights, freedom, individuality These normally praised human virtues When it comes to workers, it becomes evil. Bowman feels that work ethics play a role in killing two birds with one stone On the one hand, the problem of labor needed for rapid industrialization was solved addresses the most important aspects of early capitalism The Conundrum of Transforming Labor into Goods On the other hand, the nature of work is raised to the ethical level. well bound people subject them to the new factory system But people are inert. Working for yourself is not the same as working for others. So the level of productivity was low. Some people who don’t want to work also pin their hopes on social relief and work ethics. Then a carrot-and-stick strategy was adopted. The carrot is to instill in people a concept Is that you want to take more money to live a better life no problem As long as you obey the management and work more That is, the principle of performance. In the incremental age, it does work. The big stick is more extreme. He doesn’t care about spiritual enlightenment or ideological transformation. Nor do you expect the prisoners in the prototype prison to fall in love with their work. Instead of giving them a choice. If you don’t work, you can’t do anything, and you can’t get anything. Besides, salaries are falling low enough. The money earned today is only enough to buy today’s steamed buns. If you don’t work tomorrow, you’ll be hungry. That’s it. Capitalists through work ethics The unreasonable demands into the mainstream values of the time People get rid of their original habits, preferences and desires. Turned into a working machine on the assembly line And no matter how miserable life is As long as it’s through work. Have a kind of moral superiority, work noble ethical aura Amnesty for sweatshop half-slavery Wash the dirty pores of the primitive accumulation of capitalism Bowman calls this period the producer Social work determines people’s social status But now things are different With the development of science and technology Increased productivity levels Large-scale industrial production no longer requires a large-scale labor force. We have moved from the era of incremental material shortages Transition to the stock era of material surplus. Streamlined to a new industry standard Human efficiency has become the goal of the enterprise. People find that the rising space of work narrows Trying to get paid more by doing more work is no longer feasible. And the more advanced technology The more likely you are to be eliminated. The gap between people is also growing At this time, the position of the previous work ethics in everyone’s heart has been shaken. The goal of the stock age is to consume And consumption is the consumption behavior of eating and wearing. So Bowman defines what is now a consumer society as different from the way producers, society, shape its members through the social division of labor. Consumers and society require people to participate in it with spending power and willingness. That is to say, happy life is not on the assembly line but in the supermarket Who can pick and choose among the far surplus of goods Constantly buying Who can get the respect of society And the more you consume The higher his social status The more happy The smarts of consumer society lie in Every consumer involved feels like they’re in control But they don’t know the rules set by the producer society. There are no rules here anymore. Work ethics has evolved into a consumer aesthetic that everyone is more willing to accept. Everyone went from being a manipulated pawn to being an active participant. We can also find Now people get social acceptance through what I own, what I can afford. These consumer-level consumer markets also become complex and flexible for this purpose In order to maintain consumer passion The analysis of credit cards, these means of instant gratification, emerged. In order to stimulate consumption desire Frequent replacement, joint limited edition this product has also been manufactured To shorten the buying cycle Some consumer goods also use planned obsolescence strategies So the thing of the past is that people don’t have it still there. Now things have to go bad in three days In such an environment, few people can stand alone. Zhang San bought a bag today Li Si will make a face tomorrow There are endless trends For example, net red scenic spots, tide brand joint hand-held, blind box wave camping, etc. Small partners may say that it is good to have no money for rational consumption. But the degree of rationality will change. When you see what you think is expensive, the streets are rotten. You will feel that you are too saving Do you think you should enjoy life properly? Plus friends circle little red book all kinds of blueprint clock-in You will have a feeling of being out of the social circle. feel despised and abandoned by social morality No way to get social approval. No way to experience normal life You see who used to work and who was proud. Now who has the ability to consume who is proud No previous work in turn People who are despised by social morality and live miserable lives are called poor. And now there is no ability to consume Or people who are less selective in consumer behavior. Called the New Poor. Poverty is not limited to material deprivation and physical suffering It’s also a state of shame and guilt. Want to be a qualified consumer You start to want to work your ass off for more pay. Although you’re not sure if it’s going to pay more. But everyone seems to be like this Slowly rolled up So the new poor are under the double pressure of work and consumption. Not working will be despised by social morality Work is not consumption or despised The result is to earn money, spend money, earn more and spend more. in the consumer society Although work is no longer the axis of self-construction But it’s not abandoned. There have been some changes. First of all, the surplus of labor means that factories and enterprises have more choices. Don’t ask employees to like their jobs. Because there’s a lot of competition for every position. If you don’t do it, others will do it. There is no need to supervise, restrain or draw cakes. Because more and more volume of the environment virtually gave them pressure In this case A stable and secure job is a fantasy. Flexible labor replaces the iron rice bowl Rolling contracts replace job security And this flexibility is more like a glorified description. It represents more of a lack of security There is no fixed place to live, and there is no future to be seen. Secondly Work is like any other activity. Need to be scrutinized by aesthetics From the point of view of ethics, strictly speaking Every job is valuable. There is no high or low All work adds to human dignity But the aesthetic look at work is different. He stressed the distinction magnified the difference Some high-end work with aesthetic connotations can produce a sense of accomplishment. Will be sought after And work for a living is a worthless chore. What is called the rich aesthetic connotation of the work Bowman gave several criteria 1. must be fun. Is that work itself can bring happiness 2. creative and passionate And keep bringing new experiences 3. self-actualization is the ability to bring pride, self-esteem, honor. Can be the core of life Obviously, it’s not painful to work 24 hours a day. Of course, it is also obvious that there are no new poor people who are exclusive to successful entrepreneurs. Like Bill Gates, Buffett, Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk in the consumer society They are only responsible for constantly creating things that people continue to consume. Finally The concept of unemployment also changes with each economic cycle. In general, we think that unemployment is a temporary manifestation of an economic slowdown. After this time, the work came in droves. Full employment for all But Bowman found that rescue levels never recovered after a series of depressions. In addition, the road of economic development has shifted to using less labor to complete more work. This relentless accumulation drives the generation of a paradigm shift Unemployment is gradually replaced by surplus. Different from unemployment. Surplus is superfluous. supernumerary, not needed Bowman’s critique of this phenomenon is more straightforward. Surplus people cannot increase the wealth of society. Increase only the social burden As if the economy would be better off without them in a consumer society. So they will always be excluded from economic activities The result is that the new poor try to do work that is not aesthetic. Strive to have more choices in the consumer market to obtain social recognition But income is unstable The imbalance of income and expenditure prevents them from having more say in their work. Can only endure the pressure of high-intensity overtime leadership After all, once you lose your job, you can become a surplus. That’s why we often hear colleagues complain about quitting their jobs. But few really dare to throw a resignation letter in the boss’s face. The last chapter in the book is the prospect of the new poor But the 25 pages are more like Bowman’s outpouring of humanitarian warmth. It’s obviously difficult to find the only definitive answer on a social level. But we can make some changes on a personal level. The philosopher Carl Blaney said Understanding your limitations is the beginning of freedom. Acceptance of consumers, society Tensions between receptive people and consumer goods and always be alert and questioning The possibility of independence. We don’t have to live a life of impetuous Desire is infinite capacity is limited The difference between the two is the root cause of depression, anxiety and unhappiness. Abick Ted says It’s not the thing itself that bothers us. but rather our understanding of its importance We can shift our focus from the outside to the inside. through oceans of matter, looking for what really matters In addition To get rid of the moral kidnapping definition of the new poor. We also need to increase our sense of self-worth. Is to value yourself first To achieve self-confidence, self-esteem, self-improvement We need to realize that we have the respect of others. Consumption is not the only way A person’s talent and personality cultivation can also be valued by society. Finally, I would like to say that work is also good. Consumption is also good They’re not all of life. Like a word in the wonders of the mind Sometimes we struggle to find meaning in life The meaning of life is life itself. Let’s look at a scene first. There are two people who call them Guang Kun and Liu Neng Ivory Mountain Village held an event They both want to be in charge The fight is flushed Who also don’t let who Liu Neng said, according to my position in our village Who is disrespectful to the old and the little The person in charge, I, I, I have made a decision Guang Kun was very dissatisfied when he heard it. You, you, you, you can’t speak fast, and you’re still in charge. Isn’t that a disgrace to our village? Two people you come and I go Spittle star flying In the end, I couldn’t wait to compare my fist. Pulling clothes and hair In fact, ah These two people usually chat is not the point of the needle to the edge But there are three typical features of this conversation today There is a big gap in 1. views. They both want to be in charge. But the location is one Have you without me, have me without you 2. dialogue is risky Not to mention the fight in case anyone doesn’t get picked. It’s bad to make trouble during the event. 3. are very emotional Just started to say one Then it rose to personal attack, and my hair was pulled away. Can Guang Kun not be excited Right? Under such circumstances, there is definitely no way to sit down and talk slowly. Whether you can do it or not is already a good temper for both sides. But it’s okay The method we are going to talk about today is to deal with dialogue scenes that are difficult to deal. Solve more than 90% of communication problems Not the suspense This method comes from the book of key dialogue. The authors of the book are Joseph Greene and four others. To say that these four people are still very well-connected They are basically famous lecturers and corporate consultants. Together they set up a consulting firm For the world’s top 500 enterprises more than 300 have provided services Although it sounds high But the method in the book is very grounded. It can be said that small to life trivia From business negotiations, it can be applied. At first, when I saw the title of the book, I thought it was the presentation skills of important people. Later, when I think about it, it won’t be called dialogue. It should be called the key speech. It’s true. Key conversations mentioned in the book In fact, it’s the interaction that everyone has with other people every day. But different from ordinary conversation The key dialogue has the three typical characteristics we mentioned at the beginning. Large differences of opinion Dialogue is risky. very emotional Let me give you a few typical examples. You and your boss propose to give yourself a promotion and a raise. But the boss put you off for all sorts of reasons. It is also a bad benefit. It’s base again.Layers lack of people, what do you do Your roommate doesn’t pay much attention to personal hygiene The air in the dormitory is getting pungent. You’re embarrassed to say directly that people have a taste. What should you do? My parents think your boss is not small when I go home for the New Year. I ‘ve been urging you to find someone to marry and have children. But you had no intention What do you do? Tired, my friend borrowed 5000 yuan from you and said it would be returned in three days. As a result, three months have passed without a word. You are embarrassed to speak again, what should you do? My wife thinks you don’t care about your family. But you’re obviously busy at work I think my wife doesn’t understand you. Long-term misunderstanding leads to quarrel every day. What do you do You see, it’s all rather awkward and tricky situations. A little carelessness on the deadlock And we both know The brain is in danger. The first reaction is often to do it with him or to run away quickly. And the difference in views is large High risk and emotional excitement are all dangerous signals. This is when your body’s adrenaline production increases. More blood flows to the limbs than to the brain The purpose is to prepare you to fight or flee. That is to say, in this case, it is really simple-minded and well-developed. Comparative image of metaphor in the book The level of intelligence is similar to that of a rhesus monkey. Although we don’t see a tiger like a monkey and run away But ordinary people also tend to take irrational approaches in key conversations. 1. delay escape Either silent coping, playing dumb games No matter what you say, I won’t say anything Either to change the subject I’ll go to the toilet and answer the phone as soon as you mention the money. 2. idealistic obedience, superficial right to right Inner swearing Sometimes they even suggest sarcastically by pointing fingers at them. Or give you a wink to feel sick to each other In the words of British writer Samuel Butler It is the idealistic obedient man who still retains his own opinion. 3. resort to violence, such as verbal attacks through slander Or simply spit fragrance in your mouth Two people temper again hot point Just like Guang Kun and Liu Neng, pulling clothes and hair Understand the key dialogue What should be the way to deal with key conversations? Let’s continue to look down The first step Explicit the purpose of the dialogue mentioned in the book Our problem is not that the behavior itself is wrong. It’s about our motives. that we often get our goals wrong Take an example You are the CEO of a company Meeting with executives on this day The aim is to discuss cost reduction plans Why has there been no effect First of all, this meeting has very different views. Because the executives think you’re here to make a case. Do you think people will not listen to you and will be halfway there? Zhang San stood up Say, we have a problem I don’t know when to speak improperly You know very well that he will speak when he does not speak properly. Just let him keep talking Then he said, "We’re already actively pursuing this plan." Now even the printing is double-sided But I hear you ‘ve built a new office building. And the cost of new office furniture has reached the 150000. You see, it’s not just an execution problem If the explanation is not good, it will immediately rise to the problem of style. And he’s keeping you down in front of so many executives. It’s too high jump in the toilet. What will you do at this time It is not appropriate to avoid getting angry. Because once you use these two methods It means you acquiesced in his statement. People will think that you say one set of plans to reduce costs. It is also difficult to rush to implement. But when you think about it, you’ll find that Zhang San’s words don’t sound good. But the motive is no problem And it’s exactly the same as your purpose. It’s all about cutting costs. At this time, you will focus on overcoming it. Moving on to how to achieve a common purpose You can say ask this question It shows that you are very concerned about the cost reduction plan. I’m glad New office building is the marketing department needs I don’t know the specific cost, this is my market value. I’ll arrange for verification immediately. If that’s true, I’ll cut the budget in half This just happens to respond to the cost reduction plan with everyone. I hope everyone can continue to pay attention to and cooperate with us. This not only dispels everyone’s doubts. And bring the topic back to the real purpose. successfully defuse the crisis And the way to do it is to first clarify the purpose of the conversation. Think about how much you share with each other’s goals. Then ask yourself what you can do for a common purpose Finally, express this information. At the same time, ask the other party for solutions to achieve the purpose. The second step Creating a safe atmosphere. The hardest part of a lot of conversations is not what the two sides are talking about. but each other’s emotions The atmosphere of the conversation. And many people don’t have the ability to pay attention to the content of the conversation. Two-way processing ability to take care of the dialogue atmosphere So it creates an embarrassing situation where the more reasonable you are, the more he won’t listen. Take an example This day you have an appointment with your girlfriend to go to the movies after work. What a coincidence. Unfortunately, you were just about to leave work and were pulled by your boss for a meeting. It takes two hours to drive. You won’t show up until the end of the movie. You were about to explain what he said you meant Meeting traffic jam don’t give me any excuse Can’t come early Say, even if you are late Now stand up directly, do you still have me in your heart The implication is that you don’t say I don’t listen either. Anyway, you don’t love me What will you do at this time First of all, it is certain that reasoning is no longer useful. And don’t step on two minefields One is you gotta understand me People have been waiting for you for two hours, isn’t it enough to understand? The other is that you stood up last time, didn’t you If Nani said this, it would not be a communication problem. Guess we’ll have to call an ambulance. What you should do is to create a safe communication atmosphere Is to ease each other’s emotions Because his emotions are the premise of your words. We can first judge what factors have caused the crisis. One is a common purpose One is mutual respect It’s obvious here that he thinks you don’t respect him. Then an apology, for whatever reason Anyway, it’s because you didn’t watch the movie. So we must put down the face to admit their mistakes Then use the method of contrast to eliminate each other’s misunderstanding First, explain how you don’t want Explain again how you want Finally, creating a common purpose Just like the first step. Actively looking for common goals Conceive a new program together Stroke, should say so I’m sorry, it’s my fault I’m sorry to make you think I don’t care about you On the contrary, I had no idea what the boss was talking about during the meeting. I ‘ve been thinking about how to make up for my mistakes all the time. Don’t you have a rest tomorrow? I have already asked for leave So you can fire at me all day Of course, this also has a premise You have to control your emotions first. Observe whether you are above. The expression has changed, the tone of voice has risen Don’t care about the rhetoric of the dialogue. Because a lot of words are expressions of emotion Always focus on the real purpose. Third, there are two elements to the objective presentation of a point of view. One is to control subjective assumptions Just don’t add oil and vinegar Don’t comment subjectively. The second is to master the presentation skills Sometimes we state our opinions and like to take subjective assumptions as objective facts. That way you’re not telling the truth The other party will think that you are not here to communicate, but to find fault. You’re looking for trouble on purpose, aren’t you? Like when you’re late for work The boss says you’re 10 minutes late This is an objective fact But if he says you’re lazy That’s subjective. Facts are the least controversial, most persuasive, and least objectionable content. Then it’s about giving your opinion based on the facts. The purpose is to let the other party understand the problems and effects caused by the facts. These views need to meet the following criteria 1. must be reasonable conclusions drawn from careful analysis. The boss said it was reasonable for you to be late and affect the performance appraisal. Said you were late and caused a great loss to the company. This is still looking for fault You’re looking for trouble on purpose, aren’t you? 2. don’t pile up problems Don’t go through old scores, that’s how a lot of fights come about. Chen Guzi rotten sesame It will be difficult to communicate until now. The boss said it was no problem for you to be late today. But today said you were late last Wednesday Why didn’t he say so last Wednesday? Right? 3. pay attention to safety issues. If your words make the other party angry Don’t just impose your point of view Pause key pressed Back to the second step 4. can use the comparison method, the boss said, you work actively Business outstanding The only problem is being late And believe that you can break this habit In this way, you will feel that he values you You want to get out of the habit of being late yourself. After the presentation, you can ask the other side’s point of view. After all, it is two people to communicate, there is a process of you coming and going. Let the other side respond positively. If the other party is not willing to communicate Silent coping, even violent tendencies We then use step four, step four Understand each other’s motives. We all know that many conversations are deadlocked. It’s not that we won’t be honest It’s the other person’s unwillingness to open up. Don’t force the other person to accept your point of view at this time. It’s about understanding what’s going on inside of them. It’s the motivation behind the silence, the anger, the violence. You can change your identity from a speaker to a listener. Encourage each other to express, here are also a few ways 1. Ask for Views For example, I ‘d like to hear your opinion Don’t worry about our differences Your point of view may be better 2. confirm feelings, starting with cues from the other person’s behavior and emotional reactions. Show understanding of the other person’s feelings to increase security 3. re-describe each other’s words You need to understand and translate when your description matches their imagination They’ll feel like you’re trying to understand how they’re feeling 4. active guidance Let the other party put down their guard by guessing, showing weakness and encouraging. Open your heart Take another example Recently, you found that your colleague Li Si has a different attitude towards you. Speak clip gun with stick The smell of gunpowder But you have no idea what got him. If you have a big temper If you don’t agree with a word, you’ll get started. But if you use this method, the situation will be different. You told him that you were free at the moment and invited you to have afternoon tea. Let’s talk Li si said no time, what’s wrong with you Is there any misunderstanding between us? Li Si, can we have any misunderstanding Then you said your tone didn’t look like there was no misunderstanding. Tell me about it Maybe there’s something wrong with me Li Si said The last project we worked on You reported to the boss alone. So the credit is all yours You said it was so You see, this is not a misunderstanding Do you think I stole your formula Isn’t Li Si Do you want to explain To this sentence Li Si has calmed down and is able to communicate. At this time, the misunderstanding can be explained by the methods of the first step and the third step, so to speak. Time is very tight for this project Completion on schedule is our common goal On that day, the boss was anxious to ask about the progress. You just happened to be away I also called you, but I didn’t get through. Finally, I had to report to myself. And during the reporting process, I made clear what our respective responsibilities were. So there is no such thing as you said. I can make an appointment today Let’s report the latest progress together. How do you think So, Li Si can’t find any reason to refute you Unless he’s here to pick a fight. All right. Today’s video is a bit long. My friends may feel a little complicated. But in fact, it’s very easy to understand. Four key words. Clear purpose, safety assurance, objective presentation, understanding of motivation It is strongly recommended that everyone add three collections. Repeated viewing Martin Luther King said When we remain silent on important issues Our lives began to unfold tragedy In fact, many problems in life are caused by lack of communication or poor communication. And if you can learn the right way to communicate The problems in life are solved.

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